You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
