I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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