She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
