I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
