maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
