i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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