people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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