how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
