i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
