Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
