Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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