y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
