Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she peed on how many people?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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