All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
