i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
