I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
