Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
