just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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