They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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