I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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