Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
