I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
