For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
