He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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