she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
