We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
