Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
