im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
