We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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