You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
