so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
