i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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