Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
