I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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