Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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