Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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