Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
