home. puking in laundry basket.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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