I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
