Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
