if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
