p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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