Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
