grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
