I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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