so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
