Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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