Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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