he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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