areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
