i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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