we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
